If you have been hurt by another, you might pause to ask, ‘Could forgiving someone ends up being self-defeating — even harmful? What if I forgive only to find this individual coming back to hurt me all over again?’
By learning how you can forgive, we take back whatever power we might previously have lost. If it’s suitable to tell the other person that we choose to forgive them, this will diffuse tension at the same time. Once verbalize our forgiveness, it can relieve tension, bringing with it a calmness that had previously been dismissed. Alternatively, we may choose to forgive and not tell the person who has hurt us, and this is fine, too.
Perhaps we can treat forgiveness like a boundary, something that limits negative energy from actively poisoning our personal space. When we forgive, we are proactively stating, ‘I release my self as well as my emotions from your grip. I’ll not hate you. I will not let that damaging energy to affect my life.’
First and foremost, keep in mind that forgiveness is for you – not really for the person you need to forgive – something that frees you from the debilitating emotional burden of the past and its damages. In forgiving you undoubtedly will find the inner harmony that you deserve.
The process of forgiving, of moving from anxiety and hurt to a far more peaceful, balanced internal state, requires us to consider what happened. The person or people who have harmed us had a reason for what they did, no matter if they or we recognize those reasons. Most likely they too, in their very own way, have been the victim of others, harmed or damaged using their very own particular past. While there may be missing parts and pieces of the puzzle, it is we, and not they, who decide on the way we choose to respond to what has happened.
Through this process we may come to a far more profound understanding: although we have been treated unfairly or perhaps unkindly, it is now in the past. And it is there that it needs to remain if we are to move forward with our life in a more balanced, and much freer manner.
Arriving at the place where forgiveness is achievable cannot be attained straight away. It can take time to work through the pain. Therapy, support groups, or self-help tools can all be immensely helpful. It’s perfectly acceptable to fully recognize the true consequences of what the person or people did. Anything less is not honoring ourself. It’s healthy to get all of it out in the open.
Taking the high road is always the mature, benevolent and wise thing to do. Proactively choosing to forgive is different from ignoring the facts. To forgive does not necessarily mean that we forget. The goal of forgiveness is to release yourself from the anger, the hurt and the loathing, not to deny what took place.
For anyone who is hurting and filled with rage, perhaps forgiveness is the key that can unlock those shackles that are keeping you in pain. Finding your own way to forgive may not be easy, but it is one of the most liberating things you can do. Maybe now is the moment to move on from the past and forgive. Your life awaits you, and there is no real need to delay. Begin your journey of forgiveness now and move ahead a wiser, more balanced person.
This really is your life, isn’t it time to at last live it?